Friday, February 26, 2010
Extending the Rose
8:50 am est
I received a few comments about last weeks post in person or by correspondence on the "Guns and Roses...
Which to Use" post. I appreciate those so very much and please keep them coming and also feel free to share this blog
far and wide as it may benefit others.
So I guess this week I will come back to the taxonomy of the situation.
Extending the rose after making an error in my mind is not a matter of a peace offering which really is covering your butt
after you have done something wrong. We all know what those peace gifts and guilt gifts look like, dont we? The taxonomy of
that situation is that of CYA, and we know that and the root behind that rose is ourselves, rarely if ever the other person.
I think its a rather grey and slightly bitter rose indeed.
In converse, to give of yourself and your
time to helping others is a beautiful pink or purple rose. To be proactive and give to others as thanks or to extend the rose
just because the recipient is them and may reflect them or their past actions. The rose is symbolic of love, which is an intelligent
concern for other in part. It may be helping someone through a problem, helping someone find their real path in a professional
career, mentoring, hugs, smiles or ensuring someone can be a princess for a night. In the case of a loss in my family this
week, this was even more clear the selflessness of the individual who always gave a smile and helped bring a family closer
again. It is now up to us to decide what to do with his rose.
That is the last step.... what the recipient
does with the rose. If the rose (or mentoring, special night, smile etc.) is given in the taxonomy of wanting to give... there
is that extra energy that has been derived. I believe in paying it forward, an exercise I believe very strongly in. No better
place is it more obvious than in mentoring and teaching students and residents for me. I find that individuals who take the
rose and smell it, enjoy it and then pass it on are most personally and professionally successful and it gives the rose ever
lasting life. For the person who recycles prom dresses for under-privileged, that rose will be there for a lifetime and the
recipient can pass it forward. We cant expect or demand that they pass it forward, only hope, and sometimes ask and hope.
For my uncle, may we take his rose and extend it for generations.
We are always taking and receiving roses
my friends. The saddest part is we dont pass them on well and tend to hold onto them or give the rose because it will help
you. Pass the gifts along freely and pay it forward. Even if it is giving a smile or a hug or encouragement if indicated.
only then can we be ourselves, often.
Joel Lamoure February 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Guns and Roses... which to use?
7:51 am est
"You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar"
and the Fates aside, although keeping them in the back of our mind this phrase echos a lot of the parameters and approaches
that we must take. To be kind and gentle doesnt hurt us and extends the olive branch of trust. To hurt is to spread the toxicity.
Including the Fates and the Karmas... what goes around, comes round. And everything happens for a reason.
This week that whole
concept of taxonomy, doing your best and helping others has been discussed many times. The premises of assertiveness versus
passivity versus aggressiveness all come into play. Taxonomy and optics of the work we do and the care put into it and the
benefit for others at a recipient level ensuring all parties are fairly represented is critical.
The analogy that
was used related to guns. Guns dont kill people, people kill people with guns. Our words can act like a gun and hurt or main
depending on the perceptions of the recipient and the intent of the individual. If you are strong in your beliefs and the
taxonomy behind them, then I personally believe that to arm yourself is justified. For to take undue, unfair and unjust criticism
often rooted in the green-eyed monster of jealousy is passivity. Its like a shot to the head. To be the aggressor and not
aware of your intent and fire rapidly and randomly into the crowd with vitriol is homicide of beliefs and dreams and aspirations
of others. However, to arm oneself and act in self-defence and rebut back where you stand on your belief system and try to
engage that individual aggressor and come to even a state of agreeing to disagree hopeful prevents hard feelings in done correctly.
If done correctly, it actually can increase mutual respect.
In assertiveness, I use the rose first and foremost and care
and understand what people think and feel and respect that. That is love which is an intelligent concern for others. But also
loaded for bear. It takes alot of effort to reload. Please dont fire on someone and use your weapon indiscriminately, but
extend the rose, as it will be kindly and graciously returned and respect will be be fostered.
Be yourself, often. Know
the impact of your actions and practice self-awareness.
Lamoure February 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Reading the Map... Navigational Awareness
8:58 am est
The subsequent events of what I would consider to be a week of marked highs and also lows on so many fronts,
left me attempting to find a topic for this week. Not secondary to writers block, but there are some weeks that resonate with
you and you are exposed to so many fascinating people and also challenging situations that any one of them could be a topic
of a whole book! Not all good and not all bad.
That in itself made me wonder that is all bad truly
bad and evil and all good truly good for you, even at high doses? Through the week it became much clearer to me that I actually
learned more from the challenges of the week and what i labelled as bad did indeed have a huge negative component to it BUT
also had a bright side. Its not all black and white and I think we need to stop and reflect at the light in the challenges.
This leads to the topic as this awareness helps you read your internal map a little clearer. Constructs of bad and good dont
always work. Awareness of yourself and your surroundings help put the location that you are at in perspective.
How does this fit into navigation and awareness and map reading? I believe looking at the week in review that we truly need
to know WHERE we are, WHAT we want to go to... and then clearly identify a path using the guide points around us. If we dont
use the compass which is our awareness accurately, you end off off the path and off tangent. Painful place to be. Being true
to ourselves and our objectives and surroundings and taking the learnings of others while we give learnings is awareness.
Back to basics... peace, patience, silence, humility and serenity and also looking to the guideposts and navigational aids.
That helps the incredible journey.
It is not that the man that defines the situation, but rather the situation
defines the man.
Be good to yourself, often.
---Joel Lamoure February 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Structural Integrity... How is yours?
8:39 am est
This is an extension of the last post where dealing with loss and grieving tends to make an individual look
back and mirror to themselves what that individual did and gave and your heart aches for that person and all the gifts they
possessed. I believe that we grieve more when the donor gave more than they took, and ripples out in greater circles than
an individual that is focussed on themselves and doesnt share of their gifts. And keep in mind that there are so many things
that we can grieve. To feel loss means you feel love. What a gift that is!!!
The concepts of structural
integrity have been going through my mind since mid December. When something doesnt work as planned or expected, what is done
with the result? How is it managed? It is in periods of down and stress (and there's lots of it to go around!) that we need
to look at how we progress and move ahead in the grey days. That my friends defines our structural integrity. And what is
acceptable to some is disdainful to others. A tip here.... be patient and watch the other person enjoy and maybe, just maybe
try it yourself. Little things, back to basics, nature, a toy from Dollarama can define the day. Its not about the cost, but
the fun IN the day. That my friends defines our structural integrity. That we can help another and know when to ask for
help is courageous and brave. That we can love and laugh and yes, even grieve losses because of, not in spite of that we
can love and laugh . That my friends defines our structural integrity.
I know everyone sees and
perceives this topic differently. However, I would prefer to be open and share the gifts I have been given and see them ripple
outwards than be focussed on myself and not let the light shine.
Learn to love the little things
as they make the big memories and be yourself, often.
---Joel Lamoure February 2010