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Friday, February 26, 2010

Extending the Rose

   I received a few comments about last weeks post in person or by correspondence on the "Guns and Roses... Which to Use" post. I appreciate those so very much and please keep them coming and also feel free to share this blog far and wide as it may benefit others.

   So I guess this week I will come back to the taxonomy of the situation. Extending the rose after making an error in my mind is not a matter of a peace offering which really is covering your butt after you have done something wrong. We all know what those peace gifts and guilt gifts look like, dont we? The taxonomy of that situation is that of CYA, and we know that and the root behind that rose is ourselves, rarely if ever the other person. I think its a rather grey and slightly bitter rose indeed. 

  In converse, to give of yourself and your time to helping others is a beautiful pink or purple rose. To be proactive and give to others as thanks or to extend the rose just because the recipient is them and may reflect them or their past actions. The rose is symbolic of love, which is an intelligent concern for other in part. It may be helping someone through a problem, helping someone find their real path in a professional career, mentoring, hugs, smiles or ensuring someone can be a princess for a night. In the case of a loss in my family this week, this was even more clear the selflessness of the individual who always gave a smile and helped bring a family closer again. It is now up to us to decide what to do with his rose.

  That is the last step.... what the recipient does with the rose. If the rose (or mentoring, special night, smile etc.) is given in the taxonomy of wanting to give... there is that extra energy that has been derived. I believe in paying it forward, an exercise I believe very strongly in. No better place is it more obvious than in mentoring and teaching students and residents for me. I find that individuals who take the rose and smell it, enjoy it and then pass it on are most personally and professionally successful and it gives the rose ever lasting life. For the person who recycles prom dresses for under-privileged, that rose will be there for a lifetime and the recipient can pass it forward. We cant expect or demand that they pass it forward, only hope, and sometimes ask and hope. For my uncle, may we take his rose and extend it for generations.

  We are always taking and receiving roses my friends. The saddest part is we dont pass them on well and tend to hold onto them or give the rose because it will help you. Pass the gifts along freely and pay it forward. Even if it is giving a smile or a hug or encouragement if indicated.

  For only then can we be ourselves, often. 

 

--- Joel Lamoure February 2010 

  

8:50 am est 

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Guns and Roses... which to use?

   "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" 

    Karma and the Fates aside, although keeping them in the back of our mind this phrase echos a lot of the parameters and approaches that we must take. To be kind and gentle doesnt hurt us and extends the olive branch of trust. To hurt is to spread the toxicity. Including the Fates and the Karmas... what goes around, comes round. And everything happens for a reason.

   This week that whole concept of taxonomy, doing your best and helping others has been discussed many times. The premises of assertiveness versus passivity versus aggressiveness all come into play. Taxonomy and optics of the work we do and the care put into it and the benefit for others at a recipient level ensuring all parties are fairly represented is critical. 

   The analogy that was used related to guns. Guns dont kill people, people kill people with guns. Our words can act like a gun and hurt or main depending on the perceptions of the recipient and the intent of the individual. If you are strong in your beliefs and the taxonomy behind them, then I personally believe that to arm yourself is justified. For to take undue, unfair and unjust criticism often rooted in the green-eyed monster of jealousy is passivity. Its like a shot to the head. To be the aggressor and not aware of your intent and fire rapidly and randomly into the crowd with vitriol is homicide of beliefs and dreams and aspirations of others. However, to arm oneself and act in self-defence and rebut back where you stand on your belief system and try to engage that individual aggressor and come to even a state of agreeing to disagree hopeful prevents hard feelings in done correctly. If done correctly, it actually can increase mutual respect.

   In assertiveness, I use the rose first and foremost and care and understand what people think and feel and respect that. That is love which is an intelligent concern for others. But also loaded for bear. It takes alot of effort to reload. Please dont fire on someone and use your weapon indiscriminately, but extend the rose, as it will be kindly and graciously returned and respect will be be fostered.

   Be yourself, often. Know the impact of your actions and practice self-awareness. 

 

---Joel Lamoure February 2010 

    

7:51 am est 

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Reading the Map... Navigational Awareness

   The subsequent events of what I would consider to be a week of marked highs and also lows on so many fronts, left me attempting to find a topic for this week. Not secondary to writers block, but there are some weeks that resonate with you and you are exposed to so many fascinating people and also challenging situations that any one of them could be a topic of a whole book! Not all good and not all bad. 

   That in itself made me wonder that is all bad truly bad and evil and all good truly good for you, even at high doses? Through the week it became much clearer to me that I actually learned more from the challenges of the week and what i labelled as bad did indeed have a huge negative component to it BUT also had a bright side. Its not all black and white and I think we need to stop and reflect at the light in the challenges. This leads to the topic as this awareness helps you read your internal map a little clearer. Constructs of bad and good dont always work. Awareness of yourself and your surroundings help put the location that you are at in perspective.

   How does this fit into navigation and awareness and map reading? I believe looking at the week in review that we truly need to know WHERE we are, WHAT we want to go to... and then clearly identify a path using the guide points around us. If we dont use the compass which is our awareness accurately, you end off off the path and off tangent. Painful place to be. Being true to ourselves and our objectives and surroundings and taking the learnings of others while we give learnings is awareness. Back to basics... peace, patience, silence, humility and serenity and also looking to the guideposts and navigational aids. That helps the incredible journey.

  It is not that the man that defines the situation, but rather the situation defines the man. 

  Be good to yourself, often.

 

---Joel Lamoure February 2010 

 

  

8:58 am est 

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Structural Integrity... How is yours?

   This is an extension of the last post where dealing with loss and grieving tends to make an individual look back and mirror to themselves what that individual did and gave and your heart aches for that person and all the gifts they possessed. I believe that we grieve more when the donor gave more than they took, and ripples out in greater circles than an individual that is focussed on themselves and doesnt share of their gifts. And keep in mind that there are so many things that we can grieve. To feel loss means you feel love. What a gift that is!!!

   The concepts of structural integrity have been going through my mind since mid December. When something doesnt work as planned or expected, what is done with the result? How is it managed? It is in periods of down and stress (and there's lots of it to go around!) that we need to look at how we progress and move ahead in the grey days. That my friends defines our structural integrity. And what is acceptable to some is disdainful to others. A tip here.... be patient and watch the other person enjoy and maybe, just maybe try it yourself. Little things, back to basics, nature, a toy from Dollarama can define the day. Its not about the cost, but the fun IN the day. That my friends defines our structural integrity. That we can help another and know when to ask for help is courageous and brave. That we can love and laugh and yes, even grieve losses because of, not in spite of that we can love and laugh . That my friends defines our structural integrity.

   I know everyone sees and perceives this topic differently. However, I would prefer to be open and share the gifts I have been given and see them ripple outwards than be focussed on myself and not let the light shine.  

   Learn to love the little things as they make the big memories and be yourself, often.

 

---Joel Lamoure February 2010 

 

8:39 am est 


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